Touched….

I just listened to a song that correlated directly with my heart. I haven’t had this happen to me in years. To hear a song and you immediately feel like the artist is talking about you is crazy. I won’t say what the song was, or who sang it. All I can say is that I’m glad I listened to it.

Lost…

I’m starting to feel like I’m lost. I’m starting to feel like I’ve lost. I lost my way. I lost hope. I lost the ability to see things the way I once did. That’s really sad to me. I was a very optimistic guy. I saw the good in everything and everybody. I’m becoming more cynical, more sarcastic, and worst of all, more hopeless. I’m stuck in this rut that I don’t want to talk to people about. I don’t even want to think about it most days. I just want to be the DiJon I was before. I just don’t know if I can do that. Have the things I’ve seen changed me forever? Have the experiences I’ve had put me in a mind state I won’t be able to get out of? All of these questions are very open-ended. Only the future can show me what it has for me. I’m just scared. I can be scared, right? I’m only human. I can’t always be the strong one. Sometimes, I have to let my stuff out too. I can’t always be that shoulder for everyone. Every once in a while, I need one too. Someone has to help, right? 

Right?

Summer Solstice….

Summer’s here. It’s hot out. The days are longer. The nights are better. Mistakes are being made. Lives are being changed. Memories are stamping their place in time. People are living their lives how they want to live them. It’s a beautiful thing, this thing called summertime. 

Sometimes…..

I love her. She knows I love her. She loves me. I know she loves me. I just have to do a better job of showing her all the time. She’s my world. I don’t know if she realizes that. That’s a problem. She should know that. Sometimes, I don’t have the right words. I know that. Sometimes, I don’t express my feeling like I should. I know that. Sometimes, I’m very difficult to deal with. I know that. But, I love that girl with all my heart. I hope she knows that.

Waste….

I love writing. I’ll loved it since Harriett introduced me to a little thing called Journalism. It’s one of the things in my life that has stayed constant and consistent. I don’t write as much as I should, but the desire to write has never gone away. My mom tells me I should write everyday. She’s right. I know that. I just feel like sometimes I’m not good enough. That’s a difficult thing for me to admit. Just typing it scares me. I want to be the best at the things I do. I owe it to myself. I owe it to everybody. My homie Tommy is putting out exquisite artwork all the time. Why can’t I do the same with my words? What’s my issue? I just have to do it. I have to write. I’ll waste my talent if I don’t. Talent, like many things, can’t be taken for granted. It has to be used. It has to be shown to the world. If not, it’s a waste. I refuse to waste something that means to much to me. It’s easy. I just have to do it. I just have to write.

Thank you….

Thank you to every person in my life who gets on me about not writing. Thank you, Derek. Thank you, Sarah. Thank you, Audrey. Thank you, Edward. Thank you, Dominique. You all are the reason I’m going to be writing more. You all are also a huge reason I haven’t gone crazy. And for that, I can’t thank you enough. Love.

Crazy….

As weird as it may sound, I sometimes think one day I’ll lose my ability to write. Some may say I can’t write now. Cool. Some people admire my writing. Thank you. Just, my mind sometimes acts as if it doesn’t want to give me to motivation to write. My heart, on the other hand, wants to write as much as possible. I let my mind dictate this too much. That’s probably why I haven’t written anything credible in months. No more. I will start letting my heart win. My mind is made up.

Food for Thought….

What if I did something to change the world? What if I did something to change a world? What if I did something to change your world? I wake up everyday wanting to change someone’s world. Why shouldn’t I? Why couldn’t I? Why wouldn’t I?

Optimism….

3am. Thoughts are racing. Chillin in a parking lot. Thinking. Thinking about everything. Her. Life. The book. Money. Happiness. Wow. I’ll be 25 years old this year. A quarter century of DiJon. Life and such. It’s hot in this car. Cold outside though. She doesn’t trust me. That’s fine. I trust me. That’s fine too. These are the things dreams are made of. These are also the thing nightmares thrive off of. Power. Love. Fear. Hate. Dreams. Nightmares. Nothing helps. Nothing changes. Don’t think I’m cynical. Don’t think I’m pessimistic. I am very much an optimist. Throughout everything. 25 years of optimism.

Trust Issues….

I clearly can’t be trusted. Weird. I’ve done nothing wrong. Trust is something that can get taken away at the drop of a hat. Most of the time, you won’t get it back no matter what you do. The worst thing is….I don’t care. If someone wants to take it for nothing, I don’t care to earn it back. You made it this way. Not me. You deal with the future. I won’t.